Simple words, but a powerful statement for me right now. I've been focusing lately on being aware of and changing my patterns of negative self talk and these words are like a piece of armor for my battle. They caution me not to so willingly hear, and naively believe all the things my mind tells me. And it sure has a lot to say. My mind is full of messages that passively, but consistently and persuasively lead me to beliefs. Observations, experiences, judgements...it has carefully compiled the data and will spit out calculated conclusions whenever the opportunity arises. Conclusions that decisively point towards an assumed reality, but are typically void of grace, love and acceptance. They condemn, cut down and sway toward distrust. They predict the future based on past experience, always with a hopeless and cynical bent. My mind speaks like a cranky schoolmarm, twisted by failure and disappointments.
Why do I listen? I've hardly even put up a fight. Is it laziness? Weakness? Maybe it just seems to make sense. It's hard to argue. I know the track record. Why would the expectations of the future not match the performance of the past?
Sure, I could just try harder. I could go all out, learn from my mistakes, do it right this time... "be" better. But I know how it will turn out. It's bound to be...well, imperfect.
Hello?!? Who AM I to be fooling myself all this time? Who am I to have believed it? This bar that I keep jumping for, yet always missing, has been set by no one but me! I have been my own worst enemy. I've been hanging out in the visitors section, booing the losing team. It's time for me to change my allegiance and spend some time in the cheering section. I've got to shout louder than the opponents in my head and drown out the voice that says no.
I've got to listen to a different voice. The voice that speaks love...that speaks grace...that speaks truth.
I'm waiting on the Holy Spirit to be my coach this time. I desperately want to hear His voice telling me what to believe.
I know He's going to have a very different story to tell.
It will take some courage and focus on my part to silence the other talk. My mind is very verbal. It's not going to fade back easily. That's ok though. I can take on a fight. I'm the heroic damsel-in-battle, remember? Rescuer of lifeless sleepers and slayer of fire breathing dragons!
So watch out, naysayer and enemy. This heroine is headed for a much happier ending.
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