The Things I Say About Me

Someone posted this quote on Facebook recently and it immediately caught my attention:

Simple words, but a powerful statement for me right now. I've been focusing lately on being aware of and changing my patterns of negative self talk and these words are like a piece of armor for my battle. They caution me not to so willingly hear, and naively believe all the things my mind tells me. And it sure has a lot to say. My mind is full of messages that passively, but consistently and persuasively lead me to beliefs. Observations, experiences, judgements...it has carefully compiled the data and will spit out calculated conclusions whenever the opportunity arises. Conclusions that decisively point towards an assumed reality, but are typically void of grace, love and acceptance. They condemn, cut down and sway toward distrust. They predict the future based on past experience, always with a hopeless and cynical bent. My mind speaks like a cranky schoolmarm, twisted by failure and disappointments.
Why do I listen? I've hardly even put up a fight. Is it laziness? Weakness? Maybe it just seems to make sense. It's hard to argue. I know the track record. Why would the expectations of the future not match the performance of the past?
Sure, I could just try harder. I could go all out, learn from my mistakes, do it right this time... "be" better. But I know how it will turn out. It's bound to be...well, imperfect.
Hello?!? Who AM I to be fooling myself all this time? Who am I to have believed it? This bar that I keep jumping for, yet always missing, has been set by no one but me! I have been my own worst enemy. I've been hanging out in the visitors section, booing the losing team. It's time for me to change my allegiance and spend some time in the cheering section. I've got to shout louder than the opponents in my head and drown out the voice that says no.
I've got to listen to a different voice. The  voice that speaks love...that speaks grace...that speaks truth.
I'm waiting on the Holy Spirit to be my coach this time. I desperately want to hear His voice telling me what to believe.
I know He's going to have a very different story to tell.
It will take some courage and focus on my part to silence the other talk. My mind is very verbal. It's not going to fade back easily. That's ok though. I can take on a fight. I'm the heroic damsel-in-battle, remember? Rescuer of lifeless sleepers and slayer of fire breathing dragons!
So watch out, naysayer and enemy. This heroine is headed for a much happier ending.  

My One Word

I am embarking on a journey with some friends this year.

A growth journey...a development journey...a spiritual journey.
We decided together to start 2015 in a new direction. Instead of resolving to achieve lofty goals in the new year, which would likely be abandoned or forgotten in the craziness of life, we chose instead to focus on a different mission. A one-word, year-long mission.
This One Word, chosen thoughtfully and prayerfully, would be powerful, yet have the versatility to be applied in many situations. From big decisions to small matters and everyday choices, it would serve to be a simple tool in the form of an unforgettable word...a word which holds depth, meaning, and potential for each individual.
Once chosen, the word will come to life. It will be shared, pondered, talked about, prayed for, questioned and lived-out throughout the year. Our hope is that by the end of the year, we are changed people. People who simply made an effort to focus on one specific word as an agent of change, and were thus transformed by the power of the Holy Spirit who used it to work in and through our lives.

My word is Awaken.

For the past few years, I feel like I've just been, well, asleep. I've been in a state of lifelessness; a dull sleepiness that crept in and stole the spark, the courage and the joy from my life. I stumbled into a season of life filled with circumstances that I didn't choose, and the bottom line is that I have responded poorly. It's as if I've been mindlessly taking bites from the proverbial "poison apple", simply because it's what was offered to me. And it has kept me under a sleepy spell all along...waiting, wishing for some magic kiss of life to rescue me and wake me from my slumber.

Well, my story is about to take a surprising turn, because I have opened my eyes. I have seen my escape and I hold the key that will unlock the prison. See, my Prince has been with me all along. I knew all along that He was close, but I played my role of the damsel in distress well, thinking I could avoid being courageous or taking risks because eventually He would step in and save the day. But He didn't choose to write my story in that way this time. Yet, He remained...present, patient and understanding. I think He was waiting for me want it badly enough, the waking-up. There is no doubt that He wants it for me. He always chooses joy and life to spite sorrow and death. It's His specialty.
He wants me to rise now. To awaken to many things in and around me. He wants me do different things. Take risks. Chase after the things that feed me with energy and fill me with light and life. He wants me to be one who shares those same gifts to others.

I'm not sure how this story is going to unfold. My new identity as the heroic damsel-in-battle will require some different things from me. It's going to take a lot of seeking and questioning, and even more listening, following and doing...maybe even some not-doing. It's going to take courage and stamina.
The best part though? I won't have to do any of it alone. My dream come true is that every awakening will be prompted, spoken, breathed or directed by the Holy Spirit. My rescuer. My knight in shining armor. My Prince Charming.

I'm ready to turn the page of my life's book. It's time for me to yawn and stretch...and face the first day of the rest of my life.

It's going to be a great story.

...for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, 

"Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light." 

-Ephesians 5:14

Redux?

I'm considering a comeback. Are all sequels a bad idea?

an official break

I am way past making this official. It's been too long since I have posted.
I am thinking that blogging is not something I am supposed to be doing right now. Although it's a great place for me to journal, I realized that I have not been able to accomplish what I set out to do in creating the blog. I meant for it to be another place for me to connect with the leaders I coach. I just don't think many of them are in a "blogging season" right now. Most of us are moms with very busy schedules. Just keeping up with email is sometimes difficult!
It's ok though, it really was a test run for me. There are many things I have enjoyed in my short time in the blogosphere and I appreciate those of you faithful bloggers that have checked in with me ;) It's because of you that I felt the need to post this exit letter. I will not delete my blog...it will remain out there in cyberspace until I am ready to try again. Thanks for hanging with me!
love, Suzie

who's in charge here?

Ok. Wake up call for me. Obviously I have been a "little" too controlling with my kids (shocking!).
The other day I was telling my daughter Clarice about a birthday party she was invited to. I explained to her that it would be at a place where she will be painting a piece of pottery or such. I could see the wheels turning in her head as she was processing what this meant for her. Then she says to me, "Mommy, you won't be there, right? So I can paint it however I want to, right?"
Oh man. What have I done to this child? She would rather do a project without me so that I don't tell her how to paint it! I could try to blame it on my lifelong love of art...that I just want her to make nice stuff....but that doesn't really cut it.
I am just too bossy!!
Ok, no newsflash. I have always been controlling. I have matured though, I think, over the years and have realized the need to step back and NOT try to be in charge of everything. I also understand that me being in control is really a false perception. I can make myself think I am in charge of my own life (and the lives of many other people I know) but I know in my heart that not only IS God in control...but I WANT Him to be! My track record of messing things up speaks for itself. I would much rather do life God's way. Apparently I have not mastered this surrender in my life yet. ;)
So I guess this will be the "Next" thing for me to look at. I will be trying to gain some perspective in my own life.... and allow others, especially my children, a little more space to learn for themselves.

happy fresh, new year

I love fresh starts. I love the beginning of the school year, the start of a new project, moving into a new house, or just re-organizing a closet. And I love starting a new YEAR! I seem to sometimes need a "catch" as a motivator, and something fresh and new will definitely do it for me.
Now, I have to say that I am NOT a "new year's resolutions" person. I have distaste for resolutions. I am a person who believes goals are absolutely possible to reach and I believe thinking positively about reaching that goal is an important part. It's hard to think positively about "resolutions". They have a bad name...and an even worse record! It seems that they are discussed lightly over water coolers or coffee, maybe with a smirk or a knowing grin that all "resolved" individuals share...they will never last.
I just learned that the average resolution is abandoned by the 21st of January.
Point proven.
So, I am not setting resolutions. I will be motivated by the freshness of the new year to work towards some goals, though. I am not in a hurry to list them...instead I will prayerfully consider what God might want me to work on next. I will share them with you all as they become clearer to me.
What adventures are you embarking on in the new year? Enjoy the excitement of a fresh start...but remember that we don't need a new year to get a fresh start. God gives us one each day and He believes we CAN do it! :)

not TOO busy

Ok. I don't really know why I have this blog. I know it's been like, forever since I have posted but I don't seem to have anything really important to say lately! (And to be honest, I'm not quite sure anyone but me is reading it) But that's ok. It's still fun!
I am busy, of course, as everyone seems to be this season with the "Christmas Chaos" we surround ourselves with. But I'm not so busy that I can't journal a few paragraphs now and then!
I have to share this picture of my daughter Clarice. Katie Sutherland, photographer extraordinaire took this and many other awesome pictures of my family. I have to say, this little girl of mine is photogenic! I just love the fact that I got on permanent record this sweet face with the missing tooth ;) Among other not so fun things, I am trying to enjoy the Christmas season through my kids eyes. I loved Christmas as a kid and it's so cool that I get to do it again.
What fun Christmas traditions do you have with your kids? My fun calendar still has some openings.
Merry Christmas!